No I Have Not

No...I have not called the person with the snakes yet. But - yes - I will. My date for calling will be before Thanksgiving. If I give myself a date, maybe that will be a motivating factor to keep moving.

On another note, I have had on my heart the desire to begin journaling my thoughts on being a baby boomer generation person and confessing some of what I am beginning to believe is the "error of my ways because of the generational influence." Make sense? Since becoming a follower of Jesus, I have sensed this "still small voice" inside of me saying "there are cultural issues within your life that are not honoring to Me (God)." Recently, I have come to the conclusion I need to begin looking at where my culture has dominated the way I decide how to believe or live when it comes to certain issues. These issues are things like death penalty, patriotism, politics, etc. So, should I start a new blog about this or write it in a journal? I'm not sure. I know not many people read this blog, but I would be curious - for those who are reading, what do you think I should do? Start a new blog titled "Confessions of a Christian Baby Boomer" or just journal via Word?

Update on Snakes

I finally was able to locate at church a couple Sunday's ago, the individual who gave me their business card (see the other posts below). I have it in my hands. The plastic snake that a woman gave to me has been in my house and on the table when I work from home. It is now somewhere on the floor at home. This morning as I was driving into work, I thought "what would I do if while I was driving there was a snake in my car?" How that came up in my thoughts - I'll never know.

Okay - so I haven't called the individual yet about seeing his snakes. I was out last week in Atlanta for the Catalyst Conference and was challenged and encouraged. However, I find the past few days that I am discouraged about the women's conference we have been developing for over a year now. We are not finding women signing up for the conference even though we have distributed many brochures and posted posters. God - I praise you anyway!

What Happened Sunday? Snake Update

I have come to the conclusion that God is calling me to face my fear of snakes. Why? I think it is because the lesson it is teaching me about facing fear. So I will continue this fear journey!

When I got to church Sunday, as I was standing in the foyer, a woman from church came up to me and laid a plastic snake in front of me (she gave me a warning ahead of time). As I stood there, my mouth dropped as I recognized God's hand in all of this. After all, I had just written in my blog that morning about facing this fear of snakes. I was able to pick up the plastic snake, hold it and put it on my shoulder for the morning - and it came easy to me. Thank you God! I believe this was an important step for me as I move closer to the real snakes.

On another note, I have not yet found the business card of the person who has the snake for me to see.

Fear Update #3

This morning, I went to find the business card from the person who said they would let me come and see their snakes. This morning, it felt like I could take that step. My plan was to send them an email requesting a time for me to come to their home. I thought I put the business card in my wallet. However, after rummaging through it three times, the card is no where to be found.

Today is Sunday morning and I am just about ready to leave for church. Will I find this person in church this morning? If I do, will I go up and request their contact information? Am I ready to take this next step? I am not sure. In my inner voice, I keep hearing "why do you need to go through with this?" Does it mean that much to God that I face my fear of snakes? I am not sure it does. So why bother? I can tell you this; I do sense God saying to walk towards this fear. And I wish I knew why it mattered.

What will I do when I get to church this morning and I see this individual?

Fear Update #2

Okay, so in church today I saw the lady who's husband gave me the business card a couple Sunday's ago and wants me to come see his snakes. I did not go up and talk to her - I'm still fearful. Oh and by the way, I still have the business card. When will I finally put in a call to him? Stay tuned for the next chapter to see if I actually take his business card out of my wallet!!

Fear Update

On Sunday, August 31, I spoke about the affects of fear in my life. My story starts with my fear of snakes and how just the sight of one paralyzes me. Fear is devastating to my life. It does not allow me the freedom to be who God has called me to be. Fear also puts me in prison because fear is what drives me and not my faith or trust in God. I encouraged everyone to face their fears and for me, I wondered whether I really had to face my fear of snakes. I mean does it really matter if I am afraid of snakes?

After the first service, an individual gave me their business card and said they had 2 very nice snakes as pets and they wanted to allow me the opportunity to face my fear. I still have the business card that was given to me to contact them and make the visit to their friendly snakes. Since I challenged everyone to face their fears, I believe I must face this fear of snakes as well. I am considering and contemplating making the call to the person to begin my journey of facing this particular fear of mine.

I continue to face other fears in my life - such as fear of what people might think, fear of losing friendships, fear of the future, and fear of failure. These are just a few of the fears God is making me face. Thanks to friendships and people in my life, there are plenty of opportunities for me to see and experience these fears and attempt to face them. God is good at bringing me to the point of learning to trust in Him as I experience fear.

Remember, take someone with you as you face fear.

Not About....me

Do you ever wonder how many times you need to learn something? I suppose my own woundedness causes me to stumble through the issue of "it's about me." The scripture tells me in Mark 9:35 that "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." It isn't about being first...it isn't about me. It is about being a servant...to ALL. And a servant, as defined by the Greek in this verse is diakonas. We derive the word deacon from this word. This words views a servant in relation to his work and not in his relation to his master. It is not the word for slave which in Greek is doulos.

A servant - it is what I am called to be. To serve as we see today when we go to a restaurant. A waiter is a picture of a servant.

My thoughts on this continue to work in my heart and mind. I am not done thinking about what it means to be a servant

In the Woods....with Friends

It has been a while since I've written. I'm not even sure how many people are really reading the blogsite. But if nothing else, it is a place for me to journal. My last course to finish my bachelor's degree is over. It feels great to finally have that chapter in my story completed! What do I do now??

Last night, I spent the evening sitting underneath the trees in the quietness with 15 other women. We laughed, listened and shared some of our stories. I learned from that evening and hearing their stories that relationships are what shape us. Each woman had something in her story about people who have stepped into their lives and shaped who they are - some were influences that gave them hope where others gave them pain. It was a joy to hear their stories and to find out more about the person God had made them to be. His love was evident in each of the women.

It was a great time being together and sharing our lives for that 2 hours moment in time...in the woods. I would not have wanted to be anywhere else for those 2 hours yesterday.

My Need for Prayer

It has been a while since I have written. Can you tell I am in summer school and working full time and still doing volunteer ministry at church? It has been a difficult couple of days in my life. As I was writing a paper for school yesterday, I struggled with anxiety! It was difficult to organize the paper and it did not help I was anxious inside. I put my head down on the laptop and prayed for God to help me. I was at a lose for words as I sought for his help. Difficult days are good because they draw me to prayer. When life is easy, I run on auto pilot and do not pray as much. This of course, is not a good thing. God desires for me to be praying and communicating with him throughout my wake filled hours of the day even when "life is good." I wonder if I will EVER learn that lesson. God, please keep teaching me. Forgive me for my times of complacency in prayer.

Maybe???

I have been required to do a lot of reading for the class I am currently taking. Each week, I am reading at least 2 books in the Bible. This week I read through the gospels of Mark and Luke. And having to read through them quickly, I find I am not able to truly "take in the Word" that actually changes my life. I am reading it strictly for academic purposes. I remember hearing a statement once that said something like "it isn't how much of the Bible you can get through, but how much the Bible can get through to you". At times like these, where I am reading for a course, I am not enjoying the academic part of this particular time of reading. I want the Word to get through to me - my heart. Because honestly, I need changing. And as much as it is good to be taking this course and learning the historical evidence of Jesus, I am finding a hunger for the Word to feed me and my life. For this new hunger, I am grateful.

Who knows, maybe in someway, the Word IS getting through to me even though I am reading academically!

School Has Begun

My New Testament Survey course has begun as of yesterday. The instructor has provided us our assignments and it looks like I will be reading and writing a lot over the next 2 months. I have felt anxious as I see the amount of reading required since reading is so difficult for me. I pray God will give me the grace to finish this course. Please pray for me.

How Will This Be?

I was reading in Luke 1 recently and the encounter of the angel Gabriel with Mary. Gabriel told Mary she would give birth to a son and call him Jesus. Mary's response to Gabriel was "how will this be? I'm a virgin." I can understand how Mary must have felt. She wondered how she could possibly give birth to a child when she had not had sexual relations with her soon to be husband Joseph yet. For Mary, her question was answered immediately by Gabriel who said to her the Holy Spirit would come upon her and the Son of God would begin development in her womb. And so it happened as Gabriel said it would - that's the rest of the story.

Today is one of those days where I too am wondering about whether or not developing a discipleship ministry for women is something I can do. How can I do this at my age? How can I do this with my schedule as it is right now? Someone told me that if God has breathed this ministry "to be", and I have scripture that encouraged me to get this started, that at times like this, I need to read the scriptures again. So for today, I am writing the scripture verses God gave to me to start this ministry - I need their encouragement today:

Job 42:12: The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys.

Isaiah 54: 1-5: Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is His name- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

Days like today, I need to remember the words of scripture that were given to me to begin this journey of ministry. God, please encourage my heart through your Word.

He is the Lord God - the Almighty is His name!

Graduation

I am in Iowa today preparing for the celebration of my nephew's graduation from high school. There will be people, food, and fun. Keegan will be the center of attention - and he should be! Keegan has done well through school and plans to go to the University of Wisconsin to begin the journey of college. As I sit here and consider the day ahead, I will enjoy people celebrating Keegan. It is his day!

It was 36 years ago that I graduated from high school. And this year I will graduate from college - finally. It took me a while to get that college degree!!! I have this desire and deep burning passion to be a teaching pastor. But I live with this passion not knowing what to do with it. It would take quite a bit of money to even consider a master's degree (can't take another 36 years to get that done) and at my age, I do not want a college loan. If God has given me this passion, how do I use this gift and passion? Almost every Sunday, as I sit in church, I vision myself speaking and teaching. And tears come to my eyes because I do not know how to move in this passion. I believe God has gifted me for this - but I don't know how to get there.

But today - it is your day Keegan. You have done well in school and you have passions of your own. I pray for you that you find where your passion is and that you run towards it. Enjoy this next chapter in your life and love well! I celebrate your life Keegan.

National Day of Prayer

According to my calendar, today is the "National Day of Prayer". But I've been hearing about people indicating they did this on May 2. So I wonder which date is correct? Does God honor prayers done on the National Day of Prayer more than on other days? I should read up on why the National Day of Prayer was started. I'm not being cynical about it - just wondering why the National Day of Prayer.

Yesterday, I had the honor of praying with a lady (for privacy purposes, I will call her Jean) who requested prayer with the anointing of oil by the elders (James chapter 5 talks about this). I was excited to be given this opportunity even though I did not know Jean well. She has been diagnosed with kidney cancer and will be having surgery to remove one kidney on May 7th. I read the scriptures on Sunday morning about "oil" in both the Old and New Testament. I learned oil was used to make the temple holy in the Old Testament. Anointing with oil signified someone/something being set apart for a function - dedicated if you will for a purpose. In the New Testament, it was used for the purposes of healing. Jesus was the anointed one - and also one who anointed with oil for healing others. The oil does not heal - it is symbolic of the Anointed One who has the power to heal and to save. We anointed Jean on Sunday and prayed with her.

Today Jean, I hope you know you are God's beloved. He loves you as a Father and a Lover. He is your great Healer and Friend. On this National Day of Prayer Jean, I will be praying for you.

Course Completion

I have been attempting now for about 10 years to finalize my bachelor's degree. My story is when I first left high school I had no confidence that I could make it through college - I had visions of failure. I eventually entered a community college and graduated with an RN degree. But I never continued on for a bachelor's. In spite of my capability to graduate from community college, I was still living in fear that I would fail in a 4 year school.

I have desired to get a bachelor's since the early 90's. But because of circumstances which I won't go into right now, I never was able to get it done. Finally, in late 1999, I went to an online school fast track program to get a bachelor's in Business Information Systems. Just as the fast track program was ending, and I thought I had my degree, the college informed me I was short 10 electives even though I had transferred all my community college credits. And that very same month of ending the fast track, I found myself jobless. Not only jobless, but I lost a very significant person in my life - my grandmother. It was a difficult time.

Here it is 2008 - I finally got back to school in 2006 to finish the 10 credits. I will be finish credit number 6 this week. I'm excited this chapter in my life only requires one more course. This is a story that hard for me to tell. Here at work, most people have a master's degree and I am just trying to finish, at the age of 53 a bachelor's degree. It feels kind of embarrassing. And you know what? If I wanted to do what my heart desires, I would start a masters. More on that some other time.

Blue Days - Needing a Sabbath?

Do you ever have a day where you just feel "blue"? Some would, and maybe it is, call it depression. But today I just feel tired and run down. My weekend was very busy with getting school work done, laundry, preparing for teaching on Sunday, reviewing documents for Sunday, shopping for pet food, having coffee with a dear friend, and a few other household duties. I did not sit down till 8:00 that evening. Sunday kept me busy with teaching Inside Track class, cooked dinner for a friend who just went through surgery and spending time with them. I got home around 8:00 and was ready for bed. Friday night was a night of Mah Jongg with some friends from work - had a great time but got home at 1:00 am!

When I think about this past weekend, I wouldn't change a thing about what I did. I enjoyed ever bit of my time with friends and getting some necessary things done around the house. But, I also think God wants me to find a sabbath time as well. I do not think I have taken time for a sabbath for a couple weeks. My body and mind are telling me I need rest. God intended for us to rest - He wants me to take the time to do just that. But it has to be something I intentionally give to myself. I think it's about time I did that.

Screwtape Letters Play - Just For Fun?

Yesterday I attended a play that was taken from the book Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Now I did not come out of the play with anything truly profound. I was entertained and enjoyed it! I had hopes of coming out of the play with some enlightening thought - but I didn't. So I realized then that maybe...just maybe...this time at the play was suppose to be just something fun to enjoy. Maybe I needed a day for just enjoying being with a friend, being entertained, resting the brain and relaxing and not for finding some deep lesson for me to learn. Could this be possible? Can you tell I am still pondering that thought? Am I still looking for some deep lesson to be learned about yesterday?

It Takes Community

Yesterday, I spent the day at a hospital with a friend of mine who's husband was having surgery. Do you know how many people it takes to prepare someone for surgery, do the surgery, post-operative care and then for rehabilitation after surgery? Think about it - an admitting clerk signed him in, someone else walked him to the surgery center; another one ID'd him and confirmed his identity; a nurse prepped him with IVs medications, etc; an anesthesiologist conversed with him; a pharmacist prepared the IV medications; someone to wheel him to the OR; then in the OR a nurse, physician, resident physician, anesthesiologist, OR tech and let alone the number of people who prepared and sterilized all the equipment; then to recovery room with recovery nurses and the list could keep on going. What an amazing number of people (12-15 so far on this list alone) it took to care for someone who needed healing.

I believe this is a picture of how many people it takes in my faith community to assist me in the healing process for any of my brokenness or for any one's brokenness. It is not just one person who can do it - it is a community of people committed to the process of healing.

Do I as a broken person allow this many people to help me be healed? Not very often.

Or do I, as a person who is a part of the process of someone else's healing willing to make the intentional commitment to be a part of the puzzle that brings wholeness? Sometimes

The bottom line is - healing from our woundedness was not meant to be lived like a game of solitaire. It is meant to be a process with a team of people; practicing and playing and actively involved in the game! And sometimes, it takes more commitment to someone's healing than I am willing to give. God...help me to be totally sold out for others above myself.

Let Us Praise

Psalm 150:
Praise the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens.

Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.

Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre,

praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute

praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.

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Praise Him today for His everlasting kindness and mercy; praise Him for His unfailing love!

Let this be a day of praise!

Kristine

Confessions of a Worry Wart

I remember during my childhood, my sister saying frequently to me "you're such a worry wart!" I never did like hearing this from her and yet, she was telling me the truth. And sometimes, the truth is painful to hear.

Yesterday was a day where I found myself worrying about many things. The scripture tells us in Matthew 6 "not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of it self." I memorized that verse, and the verse before it many years ago and had forgotten about it while I was allowing worry to take a hold of my mind. The verse just before the issue of worry says to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." Finally, after a day of worry, I confessed to a friend of mine that I was worried about many things - deadlines at the office, writing a 100 point paper for school by this weekend, everything going on I committed to this coming Sunday, etc. After this confession, I was reminded of God's instructions that I am not to worry about tomorrow.

In Proverbs 12.25, it says worry will wear a heart down. It certainly had done that to me and I allowed it to continue through the day yesterday.

Confession is a wonderful thing. Especially when I verbalize it out loud to God or to another person. It breaks the stronghold of what God calls sin in my life. So I gave my worry up last night after I confessed. Now today, it will take care of itself. I pray Lord, you would remind me of the verse on worry today and keep my mind and heart focused on You. Take care of the day for me.

This is my prayer and this is my plea!

Welcoming Correction

Last night at the SmallGroup.LIFE meeting, Evie shared a devotion from the book of Proverbs (unfortunately, I do not remember the chapter in Proverbs). The devotion was on welcoming correction into our lives. In Proverbs 13:18, we read:

"He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.

From this verse, God honors us when we listen to people who speak into our lives to share with us where we need to change. I had a picture of being in a home. I anticipate a friend coming and I hear a knock at the front door. With anticipation, I go to the door and welcome the person in and give them an embrace. Come in to my home and let's enjoy time together!! I wonder if I get this excited about correction? Do I welcome correction with anticipation and embrace it? Do I say to people who are correcting me "come into my home and let's enjoy time together"? The answer to that question is NO!

Colossians chapter 3 says:

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

God, I no longer live but you live in me. Help me to welcome with joy correction - and may it change my heart and mind to be more like You.

This is my prayer and my plea.

I-270 and Prayer

I have the wonderful thrill of driving I-270 southbound from Frederick every weekday morning. During my morning commute, I will often contemplate or be praying for issues or people. Today I prayed for some friends who have been through a difficult time recently with major surgery. God has brought him through the surgery but it is mending time now and it can take time. I pray for continued recovery and also strength to continue the process of healing. It can take time!!

My other thoughts this morning were about my desire to have a woman mentor in ministry. Someone who has started a ministry before that I can share my heart with. I started meeting with a woman, but her life seems busy and we have not had the opportunity to meet much. Our last meeting was cancelled for good reasons - but I find myself wanting more than she has time for. As I prayed for this in my life...I wondered how God was going to fulfill that desire. I will wait and see.

What will today bring here at work?

How Do I Begin?

I've never been a blogger before. But I want to be able to journal my life since there is so much going on. Today I started this blog. It was a day of finding how difficult sometimes relationships can be. Misunderstandings...not being honest...wondering if I matter to anyone. Relationships are what I enjoy and they are also my greatest heart ache and failure. I wonder sometimes if God designed me to struggle in relationships so my sin can be found. It is then I can learn about my own woundedness and hopefully find healing.

Relationships are often messy!