My Need for Prayer

It has been a while since I have written. Can you tell I am in summer school and working full time and still doing volunteer ministry at church? It has been a difficult couple of days in my life. As I was writing a paper for school yesterday, I struggled with anxiety! It was difficult to organize the paper and it did not help I was anxious inside. I put my head down on the laptop and prayed for God to help me. I was at a lose for words as I sought for his help. Difficult days are good because they draw me to prayer. When life is easy, I run on auto pilot and do not pray as much. This of course, is not a good thing. God desires for me to be praying and communicating with him throughout my wake filled hours of the day even when "life is good." I wonder if I will EVER learn that lesson. God, please keep teaching me. Forgive me for my times of complacency in prayer.

Maybe???

I have been required to do a lot of reading for the class I am currently taking. Each week, I am reading at least 2 books in the Bible. This week I read through the gospels of Mark and Luke. And having to read through them quickly, I find I am not able to truly "take in the Word" that actually changes my life. I am reading it strictly for academic purposes. I remember hearing a statement once that said something like "it isn't how much of the Bible you can get through, but how much the Bible can get through to you". At times like these, where I am reading for a course, I am not enjoying the academic part of this particular time of reading. I want the Word to get through to me - my heart. Because honestly, I need changing. And as much as it is good to be taking this course and learning the historical evidence of Jesus, I am finding a hunger for the Word to feed me and my life. For this new hunger, I am grateful.

Who knows, maybe in someway, the Word IS getting through to me even though I am reading academically!

School Has Begun

My New Testament Survey course has begun as of yesterday. The instructor has provided us our assignments and it looks like I will be reading and writing a lot over the next 2 months. I have felt anxious as I see the amount of reading required since reading is so difficult for me. I pray God will give me the grace to finish this course. Please pray for me.

How Will This Be?

I was reading in Luke 1 recently and the encounter of the angel Gabriel with Mary. Gabriel told Mary she would give birth to a son and call him Jesus. Mary's response to Gabriel was "how will this be? I'm a virgin." I can understand how Mary must have felt. She wondered how she could possibly give birth to a child when she had not had sexual relations with her soon to be husband Joseph yet. For Mary, her question was answered immediately by Gabriel who said to her the Holy Spirit would come upon her and the Son of God would begin development in her womb. And so it happened as Gabriel said it would - that's the rest of the story.

Today is one of those days where I too am wondering about whether or not developing a discipleship ministry for women is something I can do. How can I do this at my age? How can I do this with my schedule as it is right now? Someone told me that if God has breathed this ministry "to be", and I have scripture that encouraged me to get this started, that at times like this, I need to read the scriptures again. So for today, I am writing the scripture verses God gave to me to start this ministry - I need their encouragement today:

Job 42:12: The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys.

Isaiah 54: 1-5: Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is His name- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

Days like today, I need to remember the words of scripture that were given to me to begin this journey of ministry. God, please encourage my heart through your Word.

He is the Lord God - the Almighty is His name!

Graduation

I am in Iowa today preparing for the celebration of my nephew's graduation from high school. There will be people, food, and fun. Keegan will be the center of attention - and he should be! Keegan has done well through school and plans to go to the University of Wisconsin to begin the journey of college. As I sit here and consider the day ahead, I will enjoy people celebrating Keegan. It is his day!

It was 36 years ago that I graduated from high school. And this year I will graduate from college - finally. It took me a while to get that college degree!!! I have this desire and deep burning passion to be a teaching pastor. But I live with this passion not knowing what to do with it. It would take quite a bit of money to even consider a master's degree (can't take another 36 years to get that done) and at my age, I do not want a college loan. If God has given me this passion, how do I use this gift and passion? Almost every Sunday, as I sit in church, I vision myself speaking and teaching. And tears come to my eyes because I do not know how to move in this passion. I believe God has gifted me for this - but I don't know how to get there.

But today - it is your day Keegan. You have done well in school and you have passions of your own. I pray for you that you find where your passion is and that you run towards it. Enjoy this next chapter in your life and love well! I celebrate your life Keegan.