Fear Update

On Sunday, August 31, I spoke about the affects of fear in my life. My story starts with my fear of snakes and how just the sight of one paralyzes me. Fear is devastating to my life. It does not allow me the freedom to be who God has called me to be. Fear also puts me in prison because fear is what drives me and not my faith or trust in God. I encouraged everyone to face their fears and for me, I wondered whether I really had to face my fear of snakes. I mean does it really matter if I am afraid of snakes?

After the first service, an individual gave me their business card and said they had 2 very nice snakes as pets and they wanted to allow me the opportunity to face my fear. I still have the business card that was given to me to contact them and make the visit to their friendly snakes. Since I challenged everyone to face their fears, I believe I must face this fear of snakes as well. I am considering and contemplating making the call to the person to begin my journey of facing this particular fear of mine.

I continue to face other fears in my life - such as fear of what people might think, fear of losing friendships, fear of the future, and fear of failure. These are just a few of the fears God is making me face. Thanks to friendships and people in my life, there are plenty of opportunities for me to see and experience these fears and attempt to face them. God is good at bringing me to the point of learning to trust in Him as I experience fear.

Remember, take someone with you as you face fear.

Not About....me

Do you ever wonder how many times you need to learn something? I suppose my own woundedness causes me to stumble through the issue of "it's about me." The scripture tells me in Mark 9:35 that "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." It isn't about being first...it isn't about me. It is about being a servant...to ALL. And a servant, as defined by the Greek in this verse is diakonas. We derive the word deacon from this word. This words views a servant in relation to his work and not in his relation to his master. It is not the word for slave which in Greek is doulos.

A servant - it is what I am called to be. To serve as we see today when we go to a restaurant. A waiter is a picture of a servant.

My thoughts on this continue to work in my heart and mind. I am not done thinking about what it means to be a servant

In the Woods....with Friends

It has been a while since I've written. I'm not even sure how many people are really reading the blogsite. But if nothing else, it is a place for me to journal. My last course to finish my bachelor's degree is over. It feels great to finally have that chapter in my story completed! What do I do now??

Last night, I spent the evening sitting underneath the trees in the quietness with 15 other women. We laughed, listened and shared some of our stories. I learned from that evening and hearing their stories that relationships are what shape us. Each woman had something in her story about people who have stepped into their lives and shaped who they are - some were influences that gave them hope where others gave them pain. It was a joy to hear their stories and to find out more about the person God had made them to be. His love was evident in each of the women.

It was a great time being together and sharing our lives for that 2 hours moment in time...in the woods. I would not have wanted to be anywhere else for those 2 hours yesterday.

My Need for Prayer

It has been a while since I have written. Can you tell I am in summer school and working full time and still doing volunteer ministry at church? It has been a difficult couple of days in my life. As I was writing a paper for school yesterday, I struggled with anxiety! It was difficult to organize the paper and it did not help I was anxious inside. I put my head down on the laptop and prayed for God to help me. I was at a lose for words as I sought for his help. Difficult days are good because they draw me to prayer. When life is easy, I run on auto pilot and do not pray as much. This of course, is not a good thing. God desires for me to be praying and communicating with him throughout my wake filled hours of the day even when "life is good." I wonder if I will EVER learn that lesson. God, please keep teaching me. Forgive me for my times of complacency in prayer.

Maybe???

I have been required to do a lot of reading for the class I am currently taking. Each week, I am reading at least 2 books in the Bible. This week I read through the gospels of Mark and Luke. And having to read through them quickly, I find I am not able to truly "take in the Word" that actually changes my life. I am reading it strictly for academic purposes. I remember hearing a statement once that said something like "it isn't how much of the Bible you can get through, but how much the Bible can get through to you". At times like these, where I am reading for a course, I am not enjoying the academic part of this particular time of reading. I want the Word to get through to me - my heart. Because honestly, I need changing. And as much as it is good to be taking this course and learning the historical evidence of Jesus, I am finding a hunger for the Word to feed me and my life. For this new hunger, I am grateful.

Who knows, maybe in someway, the Word IS getting through to me even though I am reading academically!